Fickle Weather& Fickle Me

Posted by Yuka as Hot Cities

I feel accustomed to but never comfortable with capricious weather here in Guangzhou. Isn’t it that the mood changes with weather? Whenever the paralyzing winter blizzard sweeps, there’s always a feeling that I am riding roller coaster, if it is not worse than being in the eye of hurricane. Limbs go numb and mind stays blank and it’s impossible to make more than the wildest guess at how it is going to be. Anyway, I don’t care those murky days in which I feel inert to do everything but the point is there’s no sun to bask in and nothing to brag about in front of my friends who are attending university several hundred miles AWAY where the freeze blasts every green thing. I used to feel proud of outdoor swimming days in late November and Christmas in shorts. This year seems to be unusual and it is partly due to the financial turmoil at the other side of the Pacific Ocean. Insomnia is on the rise and the sun silhouettes against cumuli but occasionally shines through the breaks. Anyway, the halo sends out a beam of hope, although I try to grip it with joyless tenacity.

I’ve got it done, but somehow it strikes me as if it were the most impetuous decision I had ever made. Inexplicably, and stranger still, I even hope there might be some error so that I shall be screened out. Being at my parents’ side and enjoying being a filial daughter is actually far better than being abroad when the novelty quickly wears off. Moreover, the crucial fact is whereas I have splendid future before me, they have glorious past behind them and the biggest trump card they possess is me. Under no circumstance should I wave my hand and say goodbye. They are growing old, too old to bear the truth I might leave them alone and behind. Mom grins through her missing teeth and the laugh liners stand out. Dad wears thick calluses and contracts atherosclerosis. Very two persons I can’t afford to lose. A flurry of excruciating pain pierces through my heart and such a thought sends shivers up and down my spine.

What if unexpectedly it blasts like a bolt from the blue?