My weekly journal

Posted by Yuka as Hot Cities

Today is another boring day as usual. Life in the USA sucks, especially when you live in a place like where Im staying right now, no Chinese, no Asians, no nobody, believe me, you are gonna go crazy.

I’ve been living here (Iowa) by myself for about 1.5 years, but I’ve never been frustrated like this time. Everytime when I try to study or focus on something, my brain just doesn’t work. I’m all stressed by the class - the fucking hardest class ever in my whole life. The thing is I have to study it in English, so it makes it harder for me. I got nobody talk to in the class, and when I get home, is all myself and my bibi & tata (My two fish). Life sucks, so what can I do?! Eat, study(I try to), sleep, school, eat , sleep… I repeat the same same thing everyday. I know most of the time it is normal for a foreign person to have kinda stress when they live in a place like this, but I think this is too much for me now. It just kills me inside and Im dying slowly and slowly… I miss my friends, my parents, and of course my country.Eventhough Im an adult now, I still got homesickness. But I have no choice. Once you start it, you are going to finsh it. I was thinking to give up, but it won’t be worthy to just give up even before you give it a try, right? So I tried to cheer myself up. But who knows that the broken heart is hard to heal.

Sometimes I would think of ending my life because it would be much more better than suffering this fucked up life. But I realized that I have to survive eventhough I don’t want to. My parents gave me a life, and I have no right to just terminate it by myself without any good reason. I don’t know, I’m definitely confused. I’m counting each every day that I lived because I wanna pass through this so fast. But the more you wanna finsh it, the slower it goes. So I’m trying to find some meaningful things to do such as raising fish, and I’m still looking for something else to do. So hope I can go through this soon. Hope this stress will go away as soon as possibile and I wish myself good luck with everything.